Where to start
I love how it takes an entire camp to let Lindsay Lohan know that she looks like herself. How about you look in the mirror. I mean they do see it after the fencing match that might rival the one between Inigo Montoya and Wesley but they are too big of jerks to admit it. Kids are the worst aren’t they?
Camp Walden
Why would the mom send her 11 year old daughter 3,000 miles across the ocean to a summer camp in Denmark, Maine? Apparently none of the European summer camps can compare to this highly organized place. I mean the opening scene stars with a kid saying “I thought this was a boys camp” and they just shrug at him like “Yeah, guess you’re stuck here all summer. Sucks to be you.” Even the butler, Martin, knows it’s a crap place to be as soon as they step out of the stretch limo.
Pack Your Bags
There is a secluded cabin way out in the woods called the “Isolation Cabin” because these things happens so often where two people don’t get along. How do we fix that? Unsupervised solitary confinement for weeks on end in the middle of nowhere, where you could I don’t know… kill each other.
They were super surprised to find out that they both liked Oreo’s and peanut butter since most people find it “disgusting.” Who finds Oreo’s and peanut butter disgusting by the way? That sounds amazing. I think they even make peanut butter flavored Oreo’s now. People back then just sitting around saying “more deliciousness…oh none for me thank you.” Now you have people eating deep fried butter at county fairs not even batting an eyelash.
Your birthday is on October 11th? How weird is that?… Extremely
YOU LOOK EXACTLY THE SAME. WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU TWO? Of course you have the same birthday, you’re the same person!
Ripped Right Down the Middle?
No wayyyyy!? We’re twins! Finally a half hour into the movie they realize that genetic coincidences don’t just happen like this. But it still takes a little thinking to get them to really establish the point.
So if your mom is my mom, and my dad is your dad… And we’re both born on October 11th…Then you and I are like, sisters! Sisters? Hayley, we’re like twins!
Study Sessions and Secret Handshakes
I’ve never been to summer camp or been rich but I don’t know how common it is to bring photos of your entire family and butler to summer camp. After that and some hair cutting / ear piercing it’s back into the limo and off to England.
Should passports mention that you’re a twin on them? I would think so but I’m not in charge of that sort of thing.
Clueless Parents
The parents are the last ones to recognize that something is up. The first person to figure it out is Sammy… a dog. Then it is the the maid (because she is told straight out) then the grandfather who is super smart.
Enter Meredith Blake
Well this is awkward. The maid just starts unloading on the kid saying how Meridith is a gold digger and in it for their dads money then we’re introduced to Meridith. Now lets be honest Meridith sucks right off the bat even without Chessy’s input.
First change I make is to send that two faced little brat off to boarding school in Timbuktu.
Yeeeeeshhhh. Chill out lady, it’s a kid.
You gave me a fright!
Uhhhh uhhh I mean you like, scared me. Now we come to the part where Chessy finds out about the switch and she’s a complete mess, better go make some food instead of telling the father that there’s a serious issue and that the other kid is in England or who knows where.
Are you speaking french?
What an awesome camp that teaches you to speak French fluently for no apparent reason. In the next scene the dad explains to Meredith that he told Hayley about the engagement.
She started yelling in French. I didn’t even know she spoke French!
How clueless are you guy? Better go drink that double martini to get rid of that migraine that you’re getting. Meridith is basically a super villain that this point. She reveals her entire plan to Hayley like anyone would.
Detective Grandfather
Woozy huh?
Yeah? That was the giveaway, not the fact that she just critiqued the wine you were drinking and you just laughed it off as something she learned at summer camp. At least the grandfather has a bit more sense to make sure she tells her mom about the switch instead of keeping it a secret like Chessy did. Again, it’s just amazing to me that the parents are the last to find out and only because they are told.
11 Years
We came up with this arrangement so we’d never have to see each other again
Was the plan to allow your kids to never know that they had siblings? That is pretty insane. In all of that 11 years you didn’t once want to bury the hatchet just for the children who happen to be twins? That’s not selfish at all.
Martin What are you wearing
He looks like a background character out of the movie Grease. The really old gang member that never went anywhere but England and back. Not to mention that at this point the mom is completely hammered which is always a good idea when you have to do something important.
Dad is still clueless
He’s so obsessed at this point with finding his ex wife that he doesn’t realize that he just took the elevator down to the lobby and his kid somehow got down there before him and switched clothes. Good thing they didn’t have cell phones back then because Nick takes a bit of a dip in the pool because he’s walking around with tunnel vision. Also, no one from the hotel comes to help him out. What a fancy place.
Camping Trip
Time for a good old camping trip. Because there’s no other way to solve this problem. Maybe you could just bring the dog back in to figure out who is who.
It’s great how Meridith doesn’t know what sugar water smells like or what rocks feel like in a backpack. Real sharp tack that one.
Hey you know what we should do? We should murder our new step mom. She just took a sleeping pill so maybe we should set her afloat on her inflatable bed out on the lake where she could drown in the middle of the night. At least they didn’t cover her in honey and sick a bear on her like in the original movie.
This screen-cap looks like something right out of a horror movie but I like it so I decided to keep it.
See ya
Hey we’re still in love so you know what we should do? Go our separate ways. That makes the most sense. See ya later alligator. Oh and we should probably split the kids up again too. Probably the best thing for them psychologically at that age.
Oh wait, what’s this?
It took us about 30 seconds after you too left to realize that we didn’t want to loose you two again.
Maybe you could have caught up to them in a car then instead of flying all the way to England to surprise them in their home. What do I know though. I don’t have enough money to fly on the concord I’m guessing.
And they lived happily ever after
Well, I’m guessing there were a lot of problems but I’m basing that all on how Lindsay Lohan turned out after she grew up. No wonder she got into drugs. Who wouldn’t after an ordeal like that so early on in their childhood.
